Gentlemen, gather round, there’s a few things that I like to talk to you about, before the big game today.
I know some of you have looked around and see a lot of missing faces in the locker room. That’s because the nine regular players - the new kids in the school, that brought us here have been expelled off the team. It seems that their birth certificates were not in order. What we assumed to be fifteen years olds, turned out to be twenty five year olds - a little glitch in the proof reading prior to the start of the season. And yes, the question of that heavy beard did pop up from time to time - but heck, being a little self-conscious about a thing like that isn’t good for a fifteen year old … you know how it is.
Now the other team, as you know, are the reining champs for the last nine years, and well, geesshh … their bigger than what they were last year! But pay that no mind. Thanks to Mr. Whipple, of the schools’ debate team, he’s graciously loaned us five of his best debaters. Now add to those guys, Mr. Dink has also pitched in and allow five of his very best players from the school’s chess club, in addition to Mrs. Zeal is sending four of her every best home economics students, who I might add, placed second in the Aunt Jemima all state pancake bake-off contest.
Now the uniforms may seem a little awkward at first, being that they might be loose in some places while tight in others. We had to barrow the girls soft ball uniforms, seeing how ours were shrunk by somebody’s well meaning mom. But, mentioning no names, we should all be grateful for the added help … were’s Scott … oh, there you are. Your mom broke all the buttons too!
Oh, don’t drink out of the water fountain over there, the school’s maintenance man connected the sewer pipes backwards … so Jeff, Alex, Bill and Todd - see the school nurse after the game.
Well guys, that’s about it. So look, go out there today in front of all your parents, and some of your parole officers and make us all proud. We all behind you.