That Darn Bullpen Phone


#1

I rock back-n-forth on my folding chair,
waiting for that ring as I sniff the air.
Ahh, hot dogs, a brew and fries do I smell,
but that darn bullpen phone breaks the spell.

“Get Howard up”, my Skipper demands,
so I motion to Howard with an outstretched hand.
Howard gets up and stretches a bit,
then sheds his coat and puts on his mitt.
He tosses a few, ever stronger with each throw,
and in just a few moments we all will know.
If he’s better than Weeks who was my third,
or better then Mack or Jones,
and even Smith who lost his nerve.

As I was about to settle back,
to my dismay came four cracks of a bat.
Again that darn phone did ring,
getting me up and walking back again!

“Get Randle up”, came the angry growl,
so up goes Randle, but for just a short while.
Skippers on the mound and motioning us,
to send the kid in and quite all this fuss.

As I was about to settle back,
to my dismay came five cracks of a bat.
Again that darn phone did ring,
getting me up and walking back again!

“Who we got left” came a voice so low,
I replied,“We’ll, we’ve Franks and Martin,
and then there’s always Joe.”

“Who’s Joe?” was asked, like I was all alone,
I replied, “Joe’s the guy that installed this phone!
It’s the only thing that seems to work today,
So how about Joe to fix your play?

“Do it”, came the call, to end out plight,
so I talked to Joe and he said, “alright”.

Now Joe did alright, for his very first night,
In fact, he did great and ended our plight.

So I have this piece of advice for all coaches in the pen,
when that phone does ring and it’s lose or win.
Answer it boldly, and look brand new,
then pass it to the phone repairman, and say –
“IT’S FOR YOU!”

Coach B.
.


#2

And that reminds me of the time when the Braves recalled a guy named Joe Torre, and in the middle of the game the dugout phone started ringing off the hook. It was all the bullpen pitchers calling with the same question: “How in hell do you pitch Torre?” The only answer anyone could come up with was “Keep the ball in the park, you got a chance.” It works both ways.