I had a manager that had a unique way of turning the English language upside down, sideways and rephrasing just about anything and everything to fit a situation. Kind of like Casey Stengel’s own Stengelese.
I was talking to a friend of mine recently who was with that club for a few years, while this man was our manager and I like to share some of his unique deliveries.
- Remember boys, no mater what happens, water don’t run uphill in this club.
- After being asked by a player… “ Skip… are we the home or away team?”, his replied … “ for crying out loud son … look at your uniform!”
- In my day pitchers were expected to pitch a full nine innings… no questions asked… cause they were tough enough to not to ask any questions.
- After chastising the bench for not paying attention during an inning, one of the players quietly asked the guy sitting next to him what time it was. “That’s the last straw…. off the bench and wait in the bus!” After the guy sheepishly advised our skipper that we were in our own stadium …. he recouped himself by pointing to the visiting team’s bus.
- After three straight innings of disappointing calls at the plate that did our rotation no justice at all … our skipper got a notepad and jotted down some remarks and handed the note to one of the interns to run up to the scoreboard display operator. When the very next batter for the opposing team came up to the plate… the scoreboard display showed a picture of the home plat umpire and the announcer said…… “ and now batting… John Smith the home plate umpire”. I and two other coaches laughed our tail feathers off … and needless to say we were gone.
- One of our guys had a real bad hitting slump and our regular batting coach was doing other duty so the guy asked our skipper for some advice. Our manager holds up his thumb and asked the guy… “how many fingers am I holding up?” The player says “one”. Our skipper says “that’s why your in a slump … you’re not paying attention!”. He (player) didn’t get it, and the next thing our manager says to him… “would it help if I used my other hand?”