R James Goebel log

I am 24 years old.

6’6" 210 lbs. Throw low 90s right now. Likely can throw harder when arm feels better and I gain more weight.

Am a complete headcase lately, the situation has degraded to the point where I walk far more people than I now get out.

I pitched a good deal in high school, was our team’s ace, but did not throw nearly as hard back then, relied heavily on the curveball. Somewhere in the college days my confidence as a pitcher really left me, and my performance went from ok as a freshman, to ok as a sophomore, to bad as a junior, to this kid doesn’t pitch anymore as a senior. I got a little taller and thicker in college and never found the groove that I used to have . Even remembering back to little league, I had a great arm and would look forward to blowing people away and using my curve ball. But somewhere in college, that feeling of being on the mound and being comfortable just completely left me.

I see the movie The Rookie and imagine maybe that this will happen to me. Once I get over this mental block, (hopefully, if I do), and I get to the point where pitching is fun again, and not horrible, and I have some mound presence and strike fear into people, then I can play on the grand stage. Problem is, lately every time that I pitch, my performance and mental state makes me less inclined to want to pitch anymore. But I keep coming back occaisionally just to see if my arm has still got it, and I see flashes of brilliance, enough to peak my interest, but then I lose it as I have throughout college.

I really don’t understand what can cause this kind of breakdown in a person’s mind. How can I just plain, not get comfortable competing on the mound. How can I not be having fun? In pretty much everything that I do I love being competitive. But pitching , something I was brought up on and am naturally good at, just is one of the most terrifying experiences I can think of in some cases.

I picture that one day this mental wall will just fall down, and from that point on, I will have it. I equate it to an epiphany or revalation. Once somehow that revalation comes, it’s going to be over for a lot of people. I have the kind of arm that can blow away major league hitters. And I know this, and yet, dot dot dot, you fill in the blanks.

One thing I have resolved to do is to be much more proactive now in my persuit of this whole thing. I don’t know if I would want to play minor league baseball and get paid 1000 dollars a month. But I do know without a doubt that I want to have that option, just to prove to myself that I can. When I blowup in the past, I usually just withdraw, I walk to the dugout, don’t talk to anyone, if anyone says anything to me, it’s a one-word answer, and it just sucks. I stew, I sit there and just stew. My mind asks itself why it makes my body do what it just did. Walk 3, hit one batter.

So for all of you others out there, take from this, be thankful that you have fun going out there and competing on the mound. Be thankful that somehow your mind hasn’t found a way to trick you into completely losing it on the mound for no reason.

But I have started this log as a diary of my (hopefully) progress. I have taken the initiative , will soon post a video of my form, am talking to a pitching instructor, and maybe all this stuff will get worked out. More to come on the saga.