Peculiar Things Coaches Do

Did you ever have a coach that did some peculiar things? Here are some of the coaches that I worked with and some of their, well, things.

  • There was a coach who sat next to me for a season that constantly had trouble keeping his upper dentures in. So, he would make the adjustment, over and over again, by pushing his bottom lip under the top denture. Now at first, I didn’t know what was going on – in fact, I felt rather uncomfortable sitting in the same dugout with the man. All this facial action, at first, looked like the man was blowing smooches my way. Kind of unnerving.
  • I had a head coach who had a lazy eye – one eye was looking straight at you while the other was on a sightseeing tour. It was really uncomfortable sitting in a meeting where he wasn’t happy about something. Every once and while I’d have to lean over to the coach next to me and ask “ was he talking to me?”
  • My first job had me answering to a coach who, among other things, use to suppress and stifle his sneeze. He’d get all worked up ready to sneeze, then – squzzeeepp! His eyes would bug out, he’d almost come off his feet, and he’d shake his head back and forth afterwards. Watching him sneeze was like watching a small depth charge go off in the back of his head.
  • We had a third base coach that use to talk to himself constantly. I honestly don’t think he realized that he did it. So he’d be on third having a rip roaring argument with himself, with a look from the third base umpire and the other team’s third baseman –“what… hugh…?” Even worse was the confusion at first.
  • We had a coach who would always miss that first step out of the dugout. No matter how long he stood there with one foot on the dugout steps, that first step would almost guarantee him landing face first on the ground.


During away games our assistant manager and I would look for places that served homemade chili. We’d usually get takeout in the form of a large Styrofoam bowl, some oyster crackers and a quart of milk. The only thing was, he was in his late 60’s and his digestive system would report chili all evening long. He’d also get the hiccups to boot. I learned quickly to take the bullpen when he came on the road with us. Sitting next to him in the dugout when he got a hiccup fit while the chili was working was like being in the base section - at a three-quarters time, with John Phillips Sousa – and then some.

Sometimes coaches in the leagues that I was with had to do field maintenance from time to time. One coach in particular always left his indelible mark on the field when laying down the lime for the first and third baselines. If, before a game, he had visited our local VFW, Legion, Sons of Italy, Sons of Erin, or Polish American Veterans Club, his line of sight was, to say the least, subject to debate. The best part was watching the collection of umpires and coaches at home plate going over the ground rules – especially the part covering fair and foul balls.

I saw a coach over the course of several games prep the field by putting the bases down then marking the lines. The line chalker should have been painted orange, had 01 on each side, and the union jack painted on the lid.

There’s also the coach who tries to fix a mound prior to the game without water. He’s out there raking dry dust into holes and packing it down with his feet while large plumes of dust fly up to nearly his waist. All the work he does is undone by the first pitch thrown from the mound. He would have been better off just removing all the loose material. At least the pitcher’s front foot would have been able to plant into something. His heart is in the right place though his brain may be elsewhere sometimes :lol: