A Pitcher's Pray


#1

Here’s a couple of beauties that I used from time to time when I was tossing on the bump.

Oh heavenly umpire of the universe,
please grant me the strength to do my club proud.
To take this field of your making,
and truly test my ability and courage.
Let me not fail but use your wisdom to overcome.
Let thy light open the clouds above,
and set forth a lightning bolt,
and nail that moron in section 42, row two,
whose been heckling the stuffings out of me
all @!#$! Night!

Amen.

Grant me oh head coach of all head coaches,
just one more pitch, one more once of strength.
May my effort be an offering of thanks,
of acknowledging your kindness and mercy.
Of your understanding and your wisdom,
that was not with me in the first inning,
when this creep that’s up now lit me up but good.
May my aim be true,
and deck this puch-n-judy clown
whose crowding me for the last @!#!$ time!

Amen.