A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender remembers him from a few weeks ago - but now the pirate looks terrible.
“What in the Seven Seas happen to you mate?” the bartender asks.
“Oh, the wooden leg, the hook hand and the eye patch.” the pirate says.
“Well, about a week ago my shipmates and I thought we were attacking a merchant ship, but it turned out to be a Spanish Man of War,” the pirate begins. " A cannon ball took out me leg, clean and simple - hence the wooden leg." Then, we spotted another ship, but that too turned out to be a British Man of War." That encounter had a musket ball hitting my hand and taking that clean off - hence the hook." “Then while resting on me deck and admiring the blue sky, a bird flew over and pooped in me eye - hence the patch.”
“Wait a minute.” The bartender says, " you mean to tell me that bird poop took out your eye?"
“Nawh” the pirate relies. " It was just the first day with me hook."